When all the toys get dumped on the floor, it’s not a mess, Jax is just taking inventory.  But, oh don’t ask him to clean up, you’ll just run out of breath.  Although, in our new house, we have a designated playroom.  I think I am most excited about this.  A room specifically for playing, where the toys live, and you don’t step on them trying to walk through the living room.  He loves to show everything to FJ, “This is ok for baby girls?” he asks.  All I have to say is she had better like monster trucks, dinosaurs and nerf guns (or at least until we can work some baby dolls into the mix).

For more Project 52, check these out:

styleberry BLOG | Lucas and Mahina

We go to the park almost every afternoon.  Jax, of course, doesn’t stop until it’s time to leave. “A few more minutes mom,” he says when it’s time to go home.  It usually ends up a few few few more minutes.  I play with him the best I can while keeping an eye on FJ or toting her around.  She watches him intently, screaming in excitement and kicking.  I know she would love to get down and play too.  I’ve held her as we went down the slide and she screams in delight.  I cannot wait until she’s big enough to partake in our playground expeditions.

For more Project 52, check these out:

styleberry BLOG | Lucas and Mahina

FJ was in the play pen while I was folding laundry.  Jax says, “Mom, get her outta there.”  So this is where they kept each other company, on the floor in their pj’s.  Big bro and little sis just hanging out.  I love them.

For more Project 52, check these out:

styleberry BLOG | Lucas and Mahina

Most days, this is what I see.  All day. That’s ok with me.

Feeding time can take up the better part of an hour and when I have a 3 year old asking if we are done or if he can sit with me, I just cannot turn him down.  So we all pile in the La-Z-Boy until she is done.  I swear that chair will fall apart any day.  It can get hot and uncomfortable, but I know it won’t be like this forever and we sit together.  Me and my babies.

For more Project 52, check these out:

styleberry BLOG | Lucas and Mahina

Two smiling kiddos that greet you each morning (well, almost every morning).  I love waking up to these two smiling faces.  Jax is so sweet when he says, “good morning” to his little sis.  Then makes sure to follow with an eye poke.  What morning would not be complete without one?

I love the idea of pursuing this for my 2 babes, so I have decided my theme will be siblings.  My youngest is almost 4 months, so I am pretty new at the idea of siblings.  We have only encountered the tip of the iceberg with Jax and FJ interacting and there is much more to come.  I love watching them connect with each other and want to capture every precious moment.  I also love the idea of an entry every week, and this will definitely help keep me in the photo-loop.  I unfortunately have other things to do besides taking pictures all day [sigh].

So, here is a litle sneaky-peeky of the cuteness to come…  Look for my first entry on Friday!

On September 9, we welcomed Fallon James.  Our little girl.  The husband and I still cannot believe we have a daughter.  She was a big surprise.  Honestly I thought I was having another boy!  She has made quite the impression on everyone…

I went in for my 38 week checkup.  That day I saw a midwife and not my doctor.  She checked me and I was 3cm, 80%.  She said I was in early labor.  Her opinion, we were going to have a baby that weekend.  We are a bit of a drive to the hospital from our house, and for the sake of making sure a 3 year old was taken care of, we made the decision to be admitted to the hospital.  I went in at noon, got checked out and it started from there.  My doctor was not on call, but the midwives were there from the practice.  I have no problem with this.  And let me tell you, I love my doctor, but I think I love that midwife more.  I expressed my want for a natural childbirth and she was on the same page as me from the get-go.  I was to get out of bed, get moving.  Happy mama, happy baby.  Thank goodness!  With Jax I sat in bed for hours and it was agonizing!  So, off we went, the hubs and I circled Labor and Delivery countless times.  And don’t let me forget my little “exercise routine.”  The husband is military, he wanted this baby out (so did I) so that was his mission: walk half a lap, do some squats, another half a lap, do lunges (for those of you who know the husband, that’s pretty much expected).  Midwife was laughing up a storm at our little routine we had going.  My youngest sister came to keep us company and walk with me too.  And this is how it was for about 2 hours.  I will tell you, baby girl was perfectly content, no change, no dilation.  A side note, I have a really high pain tolerance and before my water breaks, I do not feel contractions at all.  By about 3pm  I made the decision for the midwife to break my water.  Done. More laps.  More squats.  More lunges.  I was checked again at about 5pm, 4cm.  Are you kidding me!!!!???  More walking.  Another hour passed and I still had not made any progress.  I was really against having any drugs but after discussing our options with the midwife, I opted to have the slightest but of Pitocin to help things along.  I was not at all happy with this, but I do understand that I would have been there for days at the rate I was going.  At 7:55pm I was given a tiny dose of Pitocin, and let me tell you, all that time, even after my water was broken, my contractions weren’t nothin’, but, after Pitocin, oh man.  Contractions hit me like a truck.  About an hour passed and the baby’s heart rate dropped dangerously low.  So low, the nurse rushed in from the hall and made me get in the bed.  I was sitting in the rocker 3 feet away and you would have thought she asked me to cross the Grand Canyon.  After seeing the look on her face, I knew she wasn’t messing around.  I hobbled to the bed and more nurses and my midwife rushed in.  In short, I dialated from 4cm to 10 in less than an hour, this stressed the baby.  I was ready to push the second I got on the bed.  After a slight scare and some stress, I pushed for about 5 minutes and Fallon was born at 9:16pm.  Our teeny peanut was only 5 lb. 10 oz.  She made quite the entrance and an impression on everyone.  She’s tiny, she’s sweet, she’s feisty.  Yes, my 9 week old daughter is feisty, this I am certain.

I am terrible about perusing the internet, looking at photo blogs and websites.  This starts to light a fire within me, but then I get down on myself and think that my creative spark will never reach those heights.  I know, I know.  You’re probably like, oh jeez, stop whining!!  But, I am not the only photographer with struggles: look here, and here, and here. The internet is a wealth of knowledge and inspiration, but for heavens sakes, stop the comparison.  I constantly have to remind myself of this. I am me.  I have my own style and I do things at my own pace (sometimes a snails pace when having to keep any eye on a 3 year old and waddling around about to have a baby).  I do have to give a shout out to my biggest support group, my family.  They pick me up when I am down.  Especially the husband, he knows how to give advice that gives me that pick me up and makes me get it done.  I will admit sometimes it is not welcomed advice, but he is usually right (dammit!).

Mental note: a positive outlook and support system are vital when having and making goals.

For now, my mama and wife identities are here and now.  My artist and photographer identities have taken a back seat.  This is okay with me.  I know how lucky I am and don’t have to look far to be constantly reminded of this.  But, this mama needs a creative outlet.  I’m still trying to figure out how to juggle all of these identities at once.  I think this may be one of the secrets of the universe I (or anyone else) may never figure out.

I have a few projects lined up, like the Boppy pillow cover.  I found this amazing vintage inspired fabric that I love.  I think it’s perfect for a boy or a girl (yes I think little girl’s can wear blue!).  I still have some left over and I think it would make a very cute little dress, if Bean is a girl.  I’m trying to keep up with my scrapbook.  I’ve done pretty good so far, taking pictures of my growing belly along the way and writing down memories and feelings.  Certain things are more difficult to get done with a 3 year old to keep tabs on.  Mama wants to put her feet up at the end of the day.  These things will get done. NBD, right?

I do so enjoy talking about the baby with Jax.  He has plenty of questions.  My absolute favorite: “Mom, what are we going to teach bean?”  These things range from building blocks, playing with trucks, to going to the potty and introducing the dogs to Bean.  Jax will come over and pat my belly and kiss it, “Hi Bean,” he says.  These little gestures put tears in my eyes and make me think about how lucky we are already.  Yes, baby things will come out of hiding, laundry will get done, but it’s ok to stop and enjoy the things and people we have right here.

Things I love about summer…..

The heat. Yes, I know I’m crazy.

Seeming to have a little more free time to see family.

Family trips to the beach.

Daily ice cream/ popsicle treats.  I can easily find a reason to have one anyways.

The smell of sweat on my little boys hair when he comes in from playing outside.

Eating dinner outside.

Warm summer nights and the sounds of night time.

Happy summer everyone!